


Captain America and the Slaves of the Siren Sisters

by Welfycat



Series: The Porny Adventures of Captain America [3]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Dildo-Hammer, Multi, Porn Watching, Sirens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-23
Updated: 2012-05-23
Packaged: 2017-11-05 20:39:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/410790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welfycat/pseuds/Welfycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain America needs rescuing from the mythical Siren Sisters and Tony knows just the man for the job. Too bad he's not the one calling the shots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain America and the Slaves of the Siren Sisters

**Author's Note:**

> Content Notes: Fictional description (in a pornographic film) of magical sexual coercion and sex acts that take place while under the coercion and consent cannot be given. Minor fictional violence that takes place in the pornographic film. Brief joke about roofies.  
> See the end notes for more information regarding the pairing within the pornographic film part of this work if you want to have spoilery information.
> 
> This series is currently gen but is trending towards Tony/Steve, though it will take a little while to get there.
> 
> Author Notes: Yes, there will be more of this series in the near future.

Tony was talking to himself as he worked, letting the pieces and wires guide his fingers instead of the other way around. Most of the words wouldn't have made sense to anyone other than another engineer and even then only if they were familiar with the Stark's Laws of Robotics - Tony had made his own set of laws because it just wasn't fair for Asimov take all the credit. "Just a little bit to the left, there you go," he said as he finished placing the circuit board.

"About time," Clint said from the other side of the work table.

Tony raised his eyebrows in warning as he looked up but Clint only pointed at Tony's project and said, "hey, I followed the rules." Technically Clint had followed the rules. Since Tony couldn't really prohibit Clint from sneaking up on him, Tony had made the rule that Clint wasn't allowed startle him in the middle of a project where someone might die as a result.

"What do you want?" Tony asked as he picked up a soldering iron, holding it out with a warning glance before he went back to work.

"You're late," Clint said, wandering away and poking at Dummy with a curious finger and only poking harder when Dummy poked back. Sometimes Tony thought that a robot might actually be a good companion for Clint; after all, they'd made excellent companions for Tony.

Tony shook his head as he set down the soldering iron and checked his work. "What, for a meeting? In case you haven't noticed, I don't really care if Fury tells me to be somewhere and I certainly don't pay any attention to when he tells me to be there."

"Interestingly enough, I had noticed something like that. They do pay me to notice things, part of the job description and all. But no, you're late for team movie night and Bruce sent me down here before Thor or Natasha could volunteer. You can thank me later," Clint said, finally backing away when Dummy sent off a handful of menacing sparks.

"Play nice," Tony told Dummy before Clint's words finished sinking in. "Wait. Team movie night?"

"It's been on the calendar for a week," Clint said, prodding one of the screens until it brought up Tony's calendar. Sure enough it very clearly said _Team Movie Night @ 7 PM. Bring snacks._ Since Tony and Pepper were the only ones with access to Tony's calendar, this meant one of several things had occurred and Tony was betting on malicious hackers who just happened to live with him. Either that or Pepper had been bribed with some very excellent chocolate and wine.

Tony rolled his chair across the floor and picked up a set of enhanced arrow tips he'd been working on in his spare time - aka, in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. "If you want these any time soon, leave me alone. I don't have time for any team building stupidity that Steve's trying to push on us."

Clint made grabby hands at the tray of arrow tips and briefly pouted when Tony put them back away. "But you enjoyed the last two movie nights and if you don't hurry up Steve will finish with his testing and come home and we'll have to postpone."

It took a surprisingly long time for Tony to connect all the dots of what Clint wasn't quite saying. "They made another one? What is it this time, zombie porn?"

"I hope not, that would be...messy," Clint said with the tip of his nose twitching ever so slightly as he scrunched his face. "But yeah, there's another one. Are you coming or should I let Thor come see what you're working on?"

Tony looked down at the work he was halfway through and set it aside on one of the work benches. It wasn't anything important, it was mostly just a toy for his own amusement and to see what he could do; it could wait. The last time Thor had been in his lab had been a little bit terrifying and Tony was honestly curious to see what the porn studio that was obsessed with Captain America had come up with this time. "What's this one called?" Tony asked as they left the lab.

" _Captain America and the Slaves of the Siren Sisters_ ," Clint said, grinning broadly. "Sisters. That has to be good, right?"

Tony tipped his head, because in his experiences sisters was usually a good thing when it came to sex and porn. "As long as Captain America doesn't find it necessary to kill them or something."

Clint seemed to consider that for a moment before shaking his head. "Nah, slaves, right? He's going to use chains or something."

Tony waved one of his hands in the air to cut Clint off as they entered the living room; that was just more than he needed to know about Clint's imagination. Anyway, Tony kind of suspected that if anyone in this film wound up in chains it would be Captain America. He sat in his armchair and took in where Natasha and Bruce were on the couch sharing a bowl of popcorn and Thor was in the opposite armchair with a package of gummy worms. All in all they looked like they were settling in to watch an action adventure thriller rather than a porno.

A weight settled on the back of Tony's chair and he glanced up to find Clint perched on the very top. "Absolutely not," Tony said as he reclined his chair in order to get Clint down. "You are not watching porn over my shoulder. Go perch by Thor if you absolutely have to be on the back of an armchair."

Clint did as Tony suggested and moments later he was settled next to Thor's shoulder. Thor offered Clint a gummy worm, seemingly completely unbothered by Clint's proximity.

"Now that we're all here," Bruce said, glancing to Tony as he turned on the TV, and suddenly Tony had a really good idea of who had hacked into his calendar. It just figured, it was always the quiet ones.

Tony looked around at the occupants of the room and mentally rephrased; it was always the quiet ones who weren't also trained as stealthy assassins and spies.

The now familiar patriotically pornographic - or maybe it was pornographically patriotic, it was hard to say - title sequence played, and Tony found himself once again comparing what he'd seen of Steve's body to the body of the fake Captain America. The only advantage the fake Captain America had over Steve was that Tony had never seen Steve's muscular thighs bare and he figured that without some type of extreme circumstances he never would. 

"There is no way Fury doesn't know about this by now," Bruce muttered with a slight shake of his head. Natasha flicked a piece of popcorn in Bruce's direction and he fell silent.

Just as Tony was about to forcefully direct his thoughts away from Steve, the title sequence ended and instead of fake Captain America in all of his spandex uniformed glory, the fake Captain America appeared dressed in clothing that seemed like it had been chosen at a second hand shop from the sixties. In other words, it wasn't so much fake Captain America anymore as it was fake Steve. Out of team solidarity, and nothing else, Tony made sure to mentally note that Steve looked better in the awkward clothing than the fake Steve did. Much better. Since fake Steve was somehow more awkward in his mind, Tony decided he better stick with fake Captain America even if the uniform wasn't on.

Tony frowned as he realized the location Captain America was approaching seemed familiar. Very familiar.

"Is that not the west end of 14th Street?" Natasha asked, nearly stealing the words from Tony's mouth.

Naturally Tony had been about to say something more along the lines of 'I know that bar!', but he decided that Natasha's sounded better. "They're filming this in New York?" he asked instead, imagining suddenly bumping to fake Captain America on the street. There wasn't a word for how awkward that would be, just as there wasn't a word for how awkward it was when you accidentally invited a person to the same orgy twice. Tony was used to being in awkward situations.

"Most of the professional porn studios are in Southern California, but a few have set up shop on the East Coast. Productions are usually weaker here though," Clint said with a particularly thoughtful expression. Tony stared, as did everyone else, and Clint finally noticed. "What? I can know things!"

Deciding it was safer _not_ to look at anyone at this point, Tony turned his attention back to the screen and watched as fake Captain America - sans uniform - walked into The Sundown Lounge and sat down at a table near the center of the room. A waitress brought him a drink and the house lights went down as swirling spotlights illuminated the stage.

"Attention, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, The Sundown Lounge presents a special one-night performance. Please welcome LaWonda and LaLinda, the brightest stars in the night sky, the temptresses of temptation, the Siren Sisters!" an announcer called as the stage curtains rolled back to reveal two scantily clad women. The women paid no attention to the cheers and applause from the audience, keeping their eyes locked on each other instead.

As the camera panned back to Captain America, who had set down his drink to clap enthusiastically, Bruce snorted from the couch. "Temptresses of temptation?"

"LaWonda and LaLinda?" Natasha asked, sharing an amused glance with Clint.

Tony rolled his eyes. Who knew that he lived with a group of film critics? He could see it now in the Sunday edition of the New York Times: _The Avengers Movie Review: What to See, What to Miss, What Will Make You Want to Destroy the Movie Theater._ Bruce could even have a special column: _Movies That Enrage The Hulk._

"They are beautiful women, are they not?" Thor asked, clearly not understanding Bruce and Natasha's objections.

"Sure, if you like your women all," Clint waved his hands around in a way that did absolutely nothing to describe what he meant.

Tony decided that he absolutely did not want to know what problem Clint had with the Siren Sisters and went back to studiously watching the porno. Personally he couldn't see anything wrong with the women. Identical twins were something Tony had only done three times, twice with each of them separately and once with them together. It was good for the ego, but not worth the effort of trying not calling them the wrong name. Besides, given that this was a Captain America porno, Tony was giving ten to one odds that the Siren Sisters were probably evil. Of course, whether or not Captain America would discover that until after he'd slept with them was maybe fifty fifty.

The camera cut back and forth between where the Siren Sisters were doing a very provocative song and dance, losing the little clothing they had in the process, and where Steve was watching with his lips slightly parted. One of the sisters leaned her head close to the other and nodded at Captain America's table. The sister who hadn't nodded walked forward and threw her silk gossamer scarf onto Captain America's table. The rest of the audience and the bar itself faded away until it was just Captain America sitting with wide eyes, his fingers tangled in the scarf, as the Siren Sisters turned to sing directly to him.

"Whoa, did someone roofie Captain America?" Clint asked, his elbows now down by Thor's shoulder as he leaned forward. "Can Captain America even be roofied?"

"Not with conventional drugs, it would have to be magic of some kind. His physiology has no more protection against most magics than any genetically normal human," Bruce said, seeming far more interested in the plot than he was in the fact that the two naked sisters were leading Captain America onto the stage and through some kind of trap door.

"Could we just watch the damn porn without analyzing it, please?" Tony asked, taking his eyes away from the screen briefly to glare at the rest of the team.

There was a giggle that came from the direction of the couch, and given that the two people on the couch were Bruce and Natasha, that meant one of them had actually giggled. Since Tony couldn't fathom either of them doing such a thing he pretended it hadn't happened and returned his attention to where Captain America was being led through winding corridors that went further underground, all the while the sisters were kissing and undressing him. Before long Tony noticed that they were walking over other clothing that had also been shed, the styles trending backwards through the decades as they went deeper. Apparently the porn studio had a thing for history or for immortal enemies.

By the time they reached a cavernous room Captain America was completely nude and unable to take his eyes from the sisters. "Please," he said, his voice cracking with lust. Tony felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as he imagined Steve looking at him like that, begging for his touch.

One of the sisters laughed and used her hand to push Captain America's chest, moving him back further into the room. "Please, he says please. How well mannered. I like him."

The second sister joined the laughter, but brushed her sister's hand away from Captain America. "It's not nice to play favorites. He should go with the others and wait his turn."

"You're right, LaLinda," the first sister said.

"I always am, LaWonda," the second said, kissing her sister deeply for a long moment before turning back to where Captain America was practically panting. She placed her index finger on his forehead. "Go wait with your brethren. We shall return when we wish to play."

Captain America didn't move even when her finger left his forehead. "Please," he said again, "I want-"

LaLinda slapping him across the face cut off whatever he was going to say that he wanted and Tony found his chest tight as he reminded himself that Captain America was a superhero - the superhero - and being slapped wasn't going to actually hurt him. "You will not be told again. Leave us now."

Captain America, his fingers tracing the red handprint on his face and his blue eyes watering, crept away to where there was at least a dozen other naked men crouched around the edges of the room. He knelt, still watching the sisters with a rapt expression.

"Please, LaWonda," one of the other men said, crawling forward on the floor and prostrating himself.

LaWonda, or maybe LaLinda, rolled her eyes and both sisters turned and walked away. They didn't even lock the door behind them, but no one made any attempt to follow or escape. Captain America's head sunk down, his eyes falling closed, and the camera stayed on his forlorn form for long drawn out seconds.

Before Tony could break his own rule about not commentating on porn the scene changed to one of the SHIELD briefing rooms.

Director Fury, still in his all leather outfit, stood at the front of the table and glared directly at the camera. "Find him," he commanded, his voice seeming to reverberate in the small space.

Tony fidgeted restlessly, hoping that this would be when Iron Man finally came into play and got to go rescue Captain America. And, following that, would be the grateful 'we're still alive' sex that he's vaguely thought about the team having but never imagined would actually come true.

When the camera panned to view the people Fury was speaking with, the occupants of the living room dissolved into laugher with two exceptions. So really it was just Tony, Clint and Bruce laughing, but they were loud enough to make up for the two who were not.

"Is that supposed to be Thor?" Tony asked as he tried to stop laughing and tried to ignore the stab of disappointment that it wasn't Iron Man.

Fake Thor had the right armor, he had long blond hair and a neatly trimmed beard, and even a similar physique. He was even carrying a large hammer, the handle of which was shaped like a penis - a dildo-hammer, if there could indeed be such a thing. But the actor playing Thor looked ever so slightly uncomfortable, not that Tony could blame him when he was carrying around a dildo-hammer, and it completely ruined the idea that it could be Thor.

Fake Black Window, with her bright red hair, her very authentic looking SHIELD uniform, and her expression of calm disinterest was far closer to the mark. Natasha seemed to disagree. "They must be joking," she said, folding her arms defensively.

Tony considered the Black Widow on TV and then Natasha and smiled in her direction. "Don't worry, you're much prettier."

Natasha huffed but before she could respond, probably by killing Tony, Thor spoke up. "What about me?" he asked.

"You're much prettier too," Clint said, receiving a smile from Thor and another gummy worm.

Bruce and Tony's laughter covered the rest of Fury, Thor and Black Widow's conversation, which was undoubtably instructions on where they would find Captain America and what they were to do when they go there.

The scene segued to Black Widow and Thor at the edge of The Sundown Lounge, watching as the Siren Sisters lured another man down to their lair.

"I will follow," Black Widow said. Tony smirked at her accent, which was absolutely nothing like Natasha's accent.

"What is that?" Natasha asked, placing the palm of her hand to the side of her forehead and then muttering in what sounded like very irritated Russian. To Tony, all Russian sounded very irritated, but then again it was mostly Natasha who he heard speak Russian so it was difficult to tell if it was just the way the language sounded to him, or if it was just the way Natasha sounded when she was near him. Again, it was probably a fifty fifty kind of thing.

"Should I not go with you?" Thor asked, his voice pitched nearly in the wrong octave from what Thor's actually was.

Black Widow shook her head. "They take men. I should be able to follow without being noticed if you provide a distraction."

"As you wish. I will ensure that all are watching me." Without waiting for a response, Thor strode to the center of the room and climbed up on one of the tables. "Music!" he commanded.

Tony stared, his eyebrows climbing rapidly, as techno music started to thump through the speakers and Thor started to dance. He suddenly understood why they had picked this particular actor to play Thor, because Tony had never seen anyone dance like that with a dildo-hammer before. Well, he'd never seen anyone dance with a dildo-hammer, but the idea still applied. The dildo-hammer was swinging in a complicated pattern along with Thor's arms and occasionally Thor would strip off another piece of his armor as he danced. Like Thor had promised, all eyes were on him.

"Can you do that?" Clint asked.

Thor frowned. "I have not been instructed to use Mjolnir in such a way. Perhaps with practice."

"You are not practicing that in Stark Tower. We still have enough reconstruction to do," Tony said immediately, then wondering why his first objection was regarding potential damage to his home instead of objecting about Thor doing _that_

"As you wish. I'm certain the rooms at SHIELD will provide sufficient space," Thor said.

Tony suddenly decided that Thor tearing up Stark Tower was the lesser of two evils but before he could rescind his declaration, Bruce spoke up. "You should be able to use my basement area, Thor. I'm pretty sure Mjolnir isn't going to cause any more damage than the other guy."

"That's a good idea," Tony said, figuring anywhere there wasn't windows was probably a good start. Black Widow was in the process of following the Siren Sisters down though the lair, moving stealthily across the clothes and pausing when she found a set of dog tags tangled with the dress shirt Captain America had been wearing earlier. Tony frowned, he hadn't known that Steve wore dog tags, though it did make a certain amount of sense. Maybe that was just an addition by the porn studio to make their movie look more authentic, or maybe it was so that it was obvious that Black Widow was following the right path.

"Who are you?" one of the sister's asked, turning as soon as Black Widow entered the main chamber. Now that they had been off-screen again Tony no longer knew who was LaWonda and who was LaLinda.

"I would ask the same of you," Black Widow said, smiling sweetly before she smoothly struck out at the neck of one of the sisters. The fight scene that followed was actually quite impressively choreographed, but ended quickly with Black Widow deeply kissing one of the sisters with the other starting to undress her. It quickly devolved into a somewhat frantic and almost violent all female threesome, with Black Widow and the sisters touching and kissing and rolling on the floor. All of the men in the chamber, including Captain America, watched with expressions ranging from aroused to mournful.

Tony snuck a glance at Natasha, expecting her to object to how her character was being portrayed, but instead she was watching with the carefully blank expression that meant she was thinking deeply about something. Tony quickly averted his eyes when Bruce looked over.

Black Widow's scene with the sisters lasted for several minutes before fake Thor burst into the room. Thor was naked and wielding the dildo-hammer over his head. "Remove your foul hands from my friend!" he shouted.

"Indeed!" Thor boomed, nodding in approval at the screen.

Tony watched in what was close to horrified fascination as the fake Thor dragged one of the sisters away into the hallway and then a crash of thunder let the audience know that dildo-hammer Mjolnir had just been used, and not to dance with. Thor strode back in and tore the other sister away from Black Widow and removed her from the room with another crash of thunder. Tony was reasonably sure that when he'd had time to watch porn, before his Iron Man days, that it hadn't been violent like this. He should really write a letter to the editor to complain. Or have Pepper write one, but that might potentially be awkward. Yeah, better not.

Fake Thor returned and hurried over to where Black Widow had sprawled next to where Captain America was curled up against the wall. "I am well," she said, "but Captain America will not respond."

"It appears that killing the Siren Sisters was not enough to break their curse over you. I must do something, but what?" Thor asked Captain America.

"Exposition much?" Bruce asked quietly.

"Ah, what did I say about critiquing porn dialogue?" Tony asked.

Before they could start bickering, and Tony excelled at bickering, Captain America reached one hand up and wrapped it around Thor's penis. Not around his dildo-hammer, but around his penis.

"That is the solution, naturally," Thor said, kneeling down to kiss Captain America.

"Naturally," Clint said, though his eyes were still fixed on the screen. Tony let it slide because he was thinking the exact same thing.

The room fell quiet as they watched fake Thor guide Captain America's mouth around his penis, fake Thor's hand clenching tightly around the handle of the dildo-hammer as Captain America began to suck. Captain America worked slowly at first but grew more enthusiastic as he awakened from his trance.

Captain America pulled away and looked up at Thor, his blue eyes shining with tears again. "Please," he said, echoing his earlier plea to the Siren Sisters.

"Anything you would ask of me is yours," fake Thor said. He moved to the floor and helped guide Captain America to straddle over him. Black Widow joined them, wrapping herself around Captain America's back and running her hands down his chest before she started to stroke him slowly.

Tony blinked, feeling nearly uncomfortable enough to look away, but not quite. Instead he focused his attention on Captain America's face, how he looked so relieved to be returning to himself, and then how he slipped back into pleasure as his eyes shut. Part of Tony, a relatively small part, was glad that Captain America was gasping with pleasure and relief. The rest of Tony was irrationally jealous that it wasn't Iron Man who got to save Captain America and then have sex with him. He wouldn't even object to Black Widow's presence, not at all. It was just that Captain America was supposed to turn to Iron Man for help, just as they always had.

The movie finished with them all curled up together in a post-coital exhaustion, fake Thor still clinging to his dildo-hammer, and the credits started to role.

"Dildo-hammer?" Clint asked, breaking the uneasy silence that had settled over the room.

Natasha started to laugh, joined by Bruce, Tony, and eventually Thor himself. "Midgard is a very strange place indeed. They would not believe me if I were to tell such tales at home," Thor announced when his booming laughs had stopped.

"I don't even think they'd believe such tales in Russia, even if they'd watched it themselves," Natasha admitted, smiling broadly.

Tony shook his head and stood up, silently excusing himself from the room. It was a good thing that the team could watch porn together and still manage to function and make jokes. It was probably even a good thing that the porn seemed to throw them off more than super villains and alien invasions. Tony kept trying to think of all the positive things he could come up with as he returned to his lab and sat down. The project he'd been working on before sat open in front of him and Tony wrapped his hands around a pair of needle-nosed pliers and stared blankly.

"Tony?"

Tony looked up, surprised to find Steve standing in the doorway. He was wearing an outfit that was dangerously close to what the fake Captain America had been wearing in the movie.

"Is everything alright?" Steve asked, taking a few steps closer now that Tony was obviously aware of his presence.

Tony nodded and swallowed to clear his dry throat. "Yep, everything is just hunky-dory."

"You almost looked like you were sleeping with your eyes open. I've only ever seen Clint do that," Steve said, glancing down at Tony's work bench.

"Nope, just taking a brain break. With all the power I've got in here," Tony unclenched his fingers from around the pliers to reach up to tap his head, "good to let the processors cool off for a few minutes."

Steve nodded uncertainly. "I just wanted to make sure since I didn't see you this evening."

Tony glanced at the time and realized he'd been in his lab for more than four hours and had accomplished absolutely nothing. "Yeah, just got caught up in this."

"Well, goodnight," Steve said, smiling and walking back to the exit of the lab.

"Steve?" Tony asked, watching as Steve turned back. "Do you wear dog tags?"

Steve's hand went automatically to his chest. "Yeah, I got in the habit and couldn't quite shake it. They remade a set for me a few weeks ago with my updated information, even though most SHIELD agents don't wear them. It's nice they were willing to do that for me."

Tony nodded, his eyes flickering closed as he imagined his fingers wrapping around the chain as he leaned over Steve. When he opened them again Steve was already gone.

**Author's Note:**

> End Notes for those who wish to know the pornographic film pairing before they read the story: In the fictional porn that the team is watch, Captain America, Thor, and Black Widow engage in sexual acts together, as do Black Widow and the Siren Sisters.


End file.
